Resolve
I am a brazen-tart for new year resolutions. Last year I had a list on my phone. 2011: A Keith Odyessy. Contributions included slouching less and trying to be a bit more punctual. This year I want to be more productive, so I am going to write on this blog every day (other than yesterday, I wrote my list late - 2011 was an abject failure resolutions-wise).
After I wrote my little list of resolutions (working title 2012: Year of Keith) I went and threw eleven (relatively) hard-earned quid at a roast chicken that looked equally ashamed by her price-tag as defeated in her last remaining function of living up to it. This thing looked like it had spent the winter marching across a desert weighed down by mini ankle weights. I very rarely use my hands when eating in public, but I was reduced to picking every morsel of poultry from this poor unfortunate’s emaciated thigh and eating it back from under my finger nails. I arrived and left with starvation-rating almost completely intact.
It’s handy that the second resolution on my list is to cook more. Partly inspired by getting a Jamie Oliver cook-book for Xmas. Jamie describes a great number of dishes as pucka, I’ll let that (and the fact that he is everything that is wrong with the world) pass. I’ll just concentrate on improving beyond the portly quail that was shoved under me in the mistaken guise of a chicken earlier.
The third and final resolution is to be slower to judge people. Apparently people deserve a chance and I’ve been reliably informed that I judge too harshly and too quickly. I didn’t listen at first as the person reliably informing me was clearly an utter idiot, and is as much use to our planet as famine. But maybe he did have a point. From this point in I am going to let people express themselves before I judge them. I will do this by starting the conversation with an open-ended question then counting down from 10 before dismissing them as utterly undeserving of another second of my time. With this technique I hope to win many more friends in 2012.
