Oyster
My mother is an optimist – her permanent mantra to me is “if you think that’s the way it will work out, then that’s the way it’ll work out”. I’ve no idea what this means. But I’m pretty sure that if I think a trip to the Tesco’s will end with me being lofted on to the shoulders of a gaggle of busty cheerleaders, I am going to end up disappointed. 9 times out of 10.
My Dad on the other hand always describes himself as a ‘realist’, which is basically a pessimist who’s too stupid to work out how bleak things are. I’m quite often a pessimist. It’s not that I am a glass-half full or a glass-half empty person – it’s just I believe someone has stolen my glass.
But this is all about to change, the reason I am a pessimist is because quite often things do go unexpectedly and farcically wrong for me on more occasions than are plausible. After some careful thought I’ve decided that my decision-making is the common denominator. If I can remove that, everything will be peachy.
So, from now on I am crowd-sourcing my life. You get to choose the level of tedium I expose myself to from this point in. It’s a big step, but I’m not daunted. I was having a pitiful amount of success with my free will anyway. So, from now on I am handing over the co-ordination of 16 hours of my day to anyone who wants it. I am kind of contracted into something between 9.30 and 6, but outside of those hours my world is your oyster.
